Top Ten 2014 Grey Cup Conversation Snippets

We were in Vancouver for the Grey Cup festivities a mere three years ago.  A whole special committee could be commissioned into the reasons for that CFL decision but nonetheless we were back in Vancouver for 2014.

In 2011 I did a Top Ten Grey Cup Conversation Snippets so I’m going to do what any good west coast person does; re-use and recycle.

We got separated a lot this year.  Even with cell phones, texts and GPS technologies, herding the kittens this year proved harder than in other years.  Please note not all the items below can or should be attributed to anyone in or around our crew.  We all behaved and were in bed by midnight every night.

Top Ten 2014 Grey Cup Conversation Snippets

10)    “The slogan for this year’s grey cup festival is “Roar on the Shore” you idiot, now go apologize to that provocatively dressed woman on the corner.”  (Text me if you need a hint)

9)    “I found a tattoo in an awkward place this morning.  Good thing it’s only temporary but I’d like to know who put it there.”

8)    “Sir you can leave the bar on your own or I can physically remove you.”
“Well, then you might as well take me out and earn your keep.”

7)    “If I bring you another round of shots that will make nine and you can divide the bill more easily.”
“Nice up sell, waitress.”

6)    “Could someone please get Kyle moving before he goes into his room and starts watching Saved by the Bell reruns.”

5)    “Trooper and 54-40 were playing at the convention centre last night.  Man, those guys are getting old.”
“Unlike us Einstein?”

4)    “Sir, you could step a foot away from the wall when you do your shooters?  The dents in the wall, as well as your head, may be hard to repair.”

3)    “I fell on my face but it’s okay.  I’m pretty sure my phone or the concrete broke my fall.”

2)    “Show us your mountains.  Worst pickup line ever.”

1)    “This is his first Grey Cup weekend and he might have underestimated a few things.  This ain’t no Beerfest.”

Shoe Porn

So there I was on a recent  Saturday night sitting around at home watching some hockey when I got a call from my buddy Rob.   Rob and I have known each other for longer than either of us would like to admit and he’s been one of my closest friends since we met in high school.  Rob never left our small home town so I try to stop in and see him whenever I’m there.

We call and text fairly regularly and he also visits me for our annual Beerfest celebration at the end of summer.  It was during his last Beerfest visit that Rob noticed that I seemed to have more shoes than most normal guys and I had to admit he was right.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m no Imelda Marcos.  It’s not that many shoes and to be honest I don’t know how many pairs of shoes the average male (single, married and or divorced) should own but the reason for the number of shoes I have is pretty simple.   I don’t have particularly large feet so I sometimes have trouble finding shoes in my size.  So when I do and I like the shoe I might buy the same shoe in different colours, styles, etc.  Fashions be damned.  It’s all about comfort so if at some point you see me rockin’ a pair of old school velcro Woolco runners, please don’t judge.

Having made this revelation to Rob, I figured that was the end of it.  The next day we met up with the rest of the crew that normally attends Beerfest.  Amongst this motley crew is my friend Bob.  Bob too has a thing about shoes but his deal with shoes is different from mine.

Bob has a theory that’s he has shared with me on several occasions that you can tell a lot about a woman by looking at her footwear.  What she wears and how she takes care of them seems, to Bob at least, to show something more revealing about the woman than you could ascertain by some other investigative methods.  I’m not sure I agree with him but having never really looked at his wife’s shoes all that closely, maybe it works for Bob.

Bob is one of the guys I go to Grey Cup with every year and 2 years ago, while the rest of us went to grab a bite to eat, Bob went out and shoe shopped for a lovely pair of red sneakers.  I’m sure they didn’t have them in my size or Bob and I would have been shoe twins now.

So there we were at Beerfest where we usually congregate and move from sample to sample throughout the day. I left the group at one point and came back to where Rob and Bob were standing just they were talking about shoes.  Apparently Rob had shared the size of my shoe collection with Bob and was now referring to me as a shoe diva.  Thanks buddy.

That may have been the last time I saw Rob so when he called while I was watching hockey the conversation was odd from the start.

“Ring”

Me:      Hello

Rob:     You have a pair of black sneaker type shoes don’t you?

Me:      Yeah, several.  Why?

Apparently Rob had gone to put his shoes on the other day and realized that one of his shoes was a different size than the other one.  He figured that perhaps when he was down here for Beerfest he’d grabbed one of my shoes and left one of his here.

After I stopped laughing I went to go look at all my shoes to see if I had any off sized pairs and told him his missing shoe was not here.  I also started texting him pictures of some of my black shoes to see if he recognized any of them but to avail.  He then texted me a picture of the shoe he was missing but the shoe porn brought neither of us any relief and at this point we’ve sort of concluded that he probably bought his pair of shoes with two different sizes. If that’s true though, there’s someone else out there with the same problem, just on the other foot and that thought has me chuckling.  Makes me wonder if that’s where the phrase the shoe is on the other foot came from?

So Rob, you can call me a shoe diva all you want, but at least all of my shoes are the same size and Bob, I do want to see Pam’s shoe collection at some point.